Seeing Both Sides: How Mediation Changed the Way I Understand Family Disputes

As a family solicitor, much of my professional life has been spent listening closely—often intensely—to my client’s side of a story. And understandably so. When someone walks through the door seeking legal advice, they are usually distressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed. They need to feel heard. They need reassurance. They need a professional to help them navigate a difficult period of their life.

For years, I have listened to people describe the breakdown of their relationships, the communication struggles, the parenting disagreements, and the disappointment or hurt that led them to seek legal help. Each account is vivid, coherent and compelling. When you only hear one perspective, it’s easy—almost inevitable—to see the situation through that single lens, but becoming a Family Mediator fundamentally changed that.

The MIAM: an eye‑opening experience

Conducting MIAMs (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) means that I hear the same story told from both sides. Not at the same time, and not in a way that invites conflict, but in two separate, confidential meetings where each person has the opportunity to share openly and honestly.

What has struck me over and over again is that there are always two sides to every story.

And sometimes, they aren’t “sides” at all—just two different perspectives on the same lived experience.

Both people can speak with genuine conviction… and yet describe events that seem completely different. Not necessarily because one is lying, but because in moments of emotional strain, people interpret situations through their own feelings, needs, fears, or hopes. This is natural and in mediation, it’s expected.

The mediator’s role: not taking sides

Stepping into the role of mediator means stepping out of the role of adviser. Instead of advocating for one person, I hold a neutral space for both in that:

What I do is help each person understand that:

Instead, mediation is about working together toward a solution that works in the real world—one both parties can accept and move forward with.

Why this matters for resolution

When people realise that mediation isn’t about having a “side”, the focus moves away from the past and onto the future. Conversations become less about who is “right” and more about what can be done.

Mediation gives both parties:

And because the mediator remains neutral, both people can trust that they will not be judged or pressured. They retain control over the decisions—unlike in court, where outcomes are imposed.

A new perspective on my legal work

Working as a mediator has made me a better solicitor because it has expanded my understanding of conflict. When a client now comes to me with a strong narrative, I still listen carefully and compassionately—but I also understand that this is one version of events shaped by emotion, memory, and context.

This means I can support clients more effectively, helping them focus not only on their concerns, but also on the wider realities of negotiation, communication, and mutually  agreed outcome.

Final thoughts

Becoming a mediator has been one of the most eye‑opening experiences of my professional life. It has reaffirmed my belief that, in most cases, people are not adversaries—they are simply individuals trying to navigate the same situation from different angles. Mediation creates the space for those angles to align constructively, respectfully, and with the goal of helping both people move forward.