Indirect contact keeps relationships alive when direct time is limited or paused. Done well, it reassures the child, supports continuity, and demonstrates to the court that you are child‑centred and sensitive. Done poorly, it can heighten anxiety or be perceived as coaching. The aim is simple: communicate warmth and stability without adult commentary.
Written communication: letters and cards
Letters and cards should be age‑appropriate, brief, and consistent. Focus on the child’s interests such as school, hobbies, pets and avoid any discussion of disputes, allegations, or court proceedings. Keep the tone steady and reliable, using familiar routines such as a weekly postcard or a monthly letter. For younger children, simple drawings or photographs of everyday activities can help maintain a sense of normality.
Video messages and digital contact
Video messages require extra care. Keep them short, friendly, and focused on the child’s world. Avoid emotional appeals, questions that pressure the child to respond, or references to litigation. If messages are facilitated through a centre or agreed platform, follow the rules strictly and log dates for consistency. Where appropriate, suggest neutral activities the child can share such as reading the same book, a simple craft, or a puzzle, so indirect contact feels tangible.
Record keeping and evidence
Maintain a record of what you send and receive, without commentary. Ideally send letters etc by recorded delivery. This helps the court see consistency and can assist Cafcass or the local authority when assessing progress. If indirect contact goes well, propose a clear step‑up to supported or supervised sessions, explaining how indirect exchanges have reassured the child and demonstrated your reliability.
Above all, remember that indirect contact is for the child, not the case. Keep your messages warm, predictable, and free of adult issues. This approach supports the child’s emotional security and positions you well when the court considers next steps and it ensures that the child knows that you are still there and love them.
How we can help
Emma Riding is a Senior Associate in our Family Law team, specialising in working with clients to resolve issues relating to divorce and separation, including finance and private children’s arrangements.
If you need advice on any family law-related matter, please contact us and we will be happy to discuss your circumstances in more detail and give you more information about the services that our family law solicitors can provide along with details of our hourly rates and fixed fee services.
Please call Emma or another member of our team in Derby, Leicester or Nottingham on 0800 024 1976 or contact us via our online form.
Contact usIf this article relates to a specific case/cases, please note that the facts of this case/cases are correct at the time of writing.