Christmas Contact Arrangements For Separated Parents During Covid-19

Christmas is traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate – but it can be heart-breaking for separated parents and their children. With the added and significant problems being generated by Covid-19, this will make things even harder for separated parents agreeing contact arrangements this Christmas.

At present, the tier system will be in operation from 2^nd to 22^nd December and from 23^rd to 27^th December, people will be able to form Christmas bubbles (or baubles) of up to three households (click here for more information). As a result, making contact arrangements this Christmas might be even more complicated than before. Even where there is a previous Court order regarding contact arrangements in place, often that order will not address what is to happen over the Christmas period and also during a pandemic.

There is sadly no magic formula – regardless of this year’s circumstances, all days over the festive period can have their own significance, which could be hard for any parent to miss out on. To resolve these matters, every family will have its own individual needs to address and there are a number of things you can do to make this easier.

Christmas contact arrangements during Covid-19

1. Be aware of the Covid-19 restrictions

Throughout December, unless the restrictions are changed, children are permitted to move between homes if their parents are separated. However, in certain instances, such as where a child or the parent with whom the child does not live with has to self-isolate or has tested positive for the coronavirus, the Government has stated that contact arrangements should not take place.

Parents must make sure that they comply with the Covid-19 restrictions and guidance issued by the Government.

2. Communicate without emotive language

Many separated parents find it difficult or uncomfortable to discuss contact arrangements for their children, and this may be even trickier this Christmas due to the stresses and strains caused by Covid-19.

Try and focus on the issue at hand – communicate via e-mail if face-to-face conversations are difficult. This will give you the opportunity to remove any emotive language and focus on the issues that need to be resolved.

3. Plan well beforehand

Due to the coronavirus, it will be difficult to keep everyone happy this Christmas, especially as children may not be able to see grandparents and/or other extended family members. This is why it is vital to plan ahead and try to come to an amicable arrangement regarding contact, so that the best interests of your children are always put first.

You will also need to flexible, if circumstances suddenly have to be changed. For example, your child may need to isolate and if you do not live with them then they won’t be able to see you. In such circumstances, the other parent who the child lives with, should ensure that video or phone calls take place.

Safety has to come first and parents should work together to come to amicable contact arrangements for their children.

4. Focus on the future

If you are newly separated, it may be a daunting thought not waking up with your children on Christmas day. Try not to think about this year but think about the Christmas contact arrangements moving forwards.

If your children are young then there are going to be plenty of Christmas’ for you to enjoy with them which will hopefully be easier to navigate next year, with hopefully fewer or no Covid-19 restrictions. Going forwards, it may be worth considering proposing that the children have the opportunity to wake up with each of their parents on alternating years, if this is a viable option.

5. Think about the children

It is important you focus on the impact of any contact arrangements that are made on your children during this festive period. This is the approach the Court will adopt and many family solicitors will encourage their client to consider this first and foremost when making arrangements for their children this year and in the future.

Generally, if you live close together then it may be practical for the day to be shared, so the children have the experience of celebrating with both parents. However, this must be done in compliance with the Covid-19 rules and guidance issued by the Government.

6. Do not ask your children to decide

It is not fair to expect the children to be the decision makers by asking who they would prefer to spend their Christmas holidays with. You may think asking them is the fairest way but it places them under unnecessary pressure.

However, this is not to say, that you shouldn’t talk to your children and listen to their concerns. Try to reassure them and consider the contact arrangements from their point of view.

7. Stick to the timings agreed

Time is an important factor during Christmas and can be a catalyst for arguments if not respected. Ensure you turn up on time so the children move from one parent to the other without having to wait around. Try to agree well in advance who should be responsible for drop-off and collection.

However, as mentioned above, due to the ever changing circumstances generated by Covid-19, you should remain flexible and amicable with your former spouse regarding Christmas contact arrangements.

8. Compromise

Finally, be prepared to compromise. Divorce and separation regularly causes reasonable, sensible people to behave in a way that is out of character. Additionally, the impact of the coronavirus has placed a lot of additional emotional strain on people this year.

Compromise allows you to both have ownership of the arrangements and is far more likely to be better for your children, and your relationship with former partner now and in the long run.

What can I do if I can’t agree Christmas contact arrangements with my former partner?

If parents cannot agree what happens then the first suggestion would be to attempt mediation in the hope that with the assistance of an independent mediator, you can agree contact arrangements.

Should mediation fail there is an option to go to Court to make the necessary applications, usually for a child arrangements order to spend time with a child or children, or perhaps to vary an existing Court order.

A good family law solicitor will encourage you to put the needs of the children first and foremost. Unless there are welfare issues, the children should be spending quality time with both of their parents.

To ensure that disappointment is avoided, we encourage that arrangements are provided for as soon as possible. If Court applications are required, separated parents will need to note that the pandemic has created a substantial backlog of family law cases, as many were adjourned at the start of the restrictions in March, so depending on when the application is first made, there may not be enough time for your case to heard at Court. With this in mind, separated parents are urged to come to an agreement on contact arrangements between themselves.

My former spouse is using the coronavirus pandemic as an excuse for me to not have contact with my children this Christmas. What can I do?

If the coronavirus is being used by a parent to prevent their children having contact with the other parent this Christmas when it is reasonable for them to be able to see their children, this needs to be addressed and it is essential that independent legal advice is sought.

Conversely, if a parent is being put under pressure to make their child available to spend time with the other parent this Christmas, going against the restrictions (e.g. the children are having to self-isolate), then it is essential that independent legal advice is also obtained.