Christmas Contact Arrangements: A Practical Guide for Separated Parents

Christmas is traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate. However, for separated parents and their children, the festive season can bring complex emotions and practical challenges. Christmas contact arrangements often become a source of conflict, even when a Court order is in place.

Unless Court orders are precisely drafted, they may not address the specifics of Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and the entire Christmas and New Year period. This guide provides practical advice to help you navigate Christmas contact arrangements effectively and ensure your children enjoy the festive season.

Start conversations early and keep them focused

Many separated parents find discussions about Christmas contact arrangements difficult, particularly during an already busy period. Focus on practical arrangements rather than allowing emotions to dominate the conversation.

If face-to-face discussions are challenging, consider using email or a parenting app such as OurFamilyWizard or 2houses. These tools allow you to communicate clearly, keep a record of agreements, and maintain appropriate boundaries.

Plan Christmas contact arrangements well in advance

Early planning is crucial to avoid last-minute disagreements. Ideally, begin discussions in early November to allow sufficient time to reach agreement and make necessary preparations.

While planning is important, flexibility remains essential. When circumstances change unexpectedly, the parent caring for the child should facilitate alternative contact through video or phone calls where possible.

Focus on the future

For newly separated parents, the prospect of not waking up with their children on Christmas morning can feel overwhelming. Rather than focusing solely on the immediate Christmas, consider the longer-term picture.

A common and effective approach is to alternate years, allowing children to wake up with each parent on Christmas morning in turn. This arrangement ensures both parents can enjoy special festive moments with their children while providing consistency and fairness over time.

Keep children’s welfare at the centre

When making Christmas contact arrangements, the children’s needs should be the primary consideration. This child-focused approach is the same principle the Court applies when making decisions about contact. If parents live relatively close to each other, sharing Christmas Day may be practical. However, tailor your Christmas contact arrangements to your children’s ages, routines, and specific needs rather than applying a one-size-fits-all solution.

Don’t ask children to decide which parent they want to spend Christmas with – this places them under unfair pressure and involves them in adult conflicts. However, listening to your children is important. Talk to them about the arrangements, reassure them, and consider their perspective. Older children may have preferences about seeing extended family, which can be factored into arrangements without asking them to make the decision between parents.

Respect agreed timings

Time management is particularly important during Christmas. Disagreements about timings can quickly escalate into significant conflicts.

Ensure you arrive punctually for handovers so children aren’t left waiting. Agree in advance who will be responsible for drop-offs and collections, and confirm specific times and locations.

Be willing to compromise

Compromise is fundamental to successful Christmas contact arrangements. When both parents have input into the arrangements and feel the outcome is fair, they’re more likely to honour the agreement.

Compromise means finding solutions that prioritise your children’s welfare while acknowledging that both parents deserve time with them during the festive season.

Managing extended family expectations

Extended family can add complexity to Christmas contact arrangements. Communicate your arrangements clearly to grandparents and other relatives early on, and set boundaries with family members who may inadvertently escalate conflict. Work extended family visits into your overall plan rather than treating them as separate issues. Children benefit from maintaining relationships with extended family on both sides, so support these connections without putting children in situations where they feel they must take sides.

Acknowledge the emotional impact

Christmas can be emotionally challenging for separated families. Open communication and willingness to understand each other’s perspective can create a more positive environment.

Encourage your children to talk about their feelings and reassure them that both parents love and care for them. Your ability to manage your own emotions around Christmas contact arrangements will significantly influence how your children experience the festive season.

Build new traditions

Creating new Christmas traditions can help separated families establish their own special routines. These might include particular activities, meals, or rituals that children can look forward to each year with each parent.

New traditions help create positive memories and provide continuity and stability. They acknowledge that while Christmas may look different after separation, it can still be meaningful and enjoyable.

Keep the focus on the children

Throughout the process of agreeing Christmas contact arrangements, your children’s wellbeing should remain the primary concern. Their happiness and security during the festive season depends largely on how parents handle the arrangements.

By prioritising your children’s needs, maintaining clear communication, and approaching arrangements with flexibility and cooperation, you can help ensure Christmas remains a positive experience for them despite the challenges of separation.

What to do if Christmas contact arrangements are breached

Despite having clear arrangements in place, there are occasions when one parent doesn’t follow them. If this happens, respond appropriately rather than reactively:

If you’re concerned about repeated breaches of Christmas contact arrangements, contact our family law team for advice.