Understanding the Role of ‘Wishes and Feelings’ in Private Children Law

Family separation can be confusing and emotionally heavy for children, and one of the most common questions parents ask me is:

The short answer is yes — but not in the way many people think.

In private children law, a child’s “wishes and feelings” are an important part of the decision-making process. But they are only one factor within the welfare checklist, and the court’s focus is always on what arrangement will best meet the child’s needs in the long term.

In this blog, I break down how children’s voices are heard, what weight the court gives to their views, and what parents can expect throughout the process.

1. How are a child’s wishes and feelings gathered?

Most commonly, this is done through CAFCASS, who will meet with the child (depending on age and maturity) and produce a report (a Section 7 report).

The professional isn’t simply asking the child, “Where do you want to live?”

Instead, they explore:

A child’s voice is never taken at face value without context. The goal is to understand their true experience, not to put pressure on them to “choose.”

2. How much weight does the court place on what a child says?

It depends on:

A 14-year-old with consistent, well‑reasoned views may be given significant weight.
A 7-year-old expressing a wish may still be heard, but the court will interpret their words through a developmental lens.

The guiding principle remains:

3. Child‑inclusive mediation: an alternative to court

This is an area gaining real momentum, and one I’m personally very passionate about.

Child-inclusive mediation allows a specially trained mediator to speak directly with the child, and (with the child’s permission) feed their views back into the mediation process. It can:

It’s voluntary and confidential, and children often express relief at finally having a safe, neutral space to talk.

4. Common misconceptions

“My child wants to live with me — that means I will win.”

Not necessarily. The court balances their views against the welfare checklist, family dynamics, and long‑term stability.

“My child doesn’t want to see their other parent — so contact will stop.”

Again, not automatically. The court will want to understand why. Fear is treated very differently from loyalty conflict or external influence.

“The child will be made to choose.”

Children are never asked to choose between parents. Their emotional safety comes first.

5. How parents can support their child during the process

Final thoughts

A child’s voice is a powerful and valuable part of private children law. When handled correctly, it helps parents and professionals understand what the child truly needs — not just what they say they want.

As our system continues to recognise the importance of listening to children, tools like child‑inclusive mediation and child-centred dispute resolution can make a huge difference.

If you’re navigating separation, or wondering how your child’s wishes might be taken into account, I’m always happy to help guide you through the options.