Birdnesting Arrangements – The Modern Parenting Approach To Custody Arrangements

In recent weeks, Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, and his wife, Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, announced their high profile divorce following 18 years of marriage. Following the announcement, there has been much media coverage concerning the custody of their three children with the couple opting for a solution that may seem somewhat unusual for many.

It has been confirmed that their children will stay primarily with their father and that Sophie Grégoire Trudeau will live separately but return to the matrimonial home to parent the children. An arrangement known as nesting or birdnesting.

What are nesting or birdnesting arrangements?

Nesting or birdnesting is becoming increasingly popular among separating parents and can provide a short-term solution to the arrangements for the children while long-term plans are being made.

The advantage of a nesting arrangement is that the children will remain in the family home (the nest), while the parents leave and return to the property sequentially. The analogy to the bird’s nest is reminiscent of a bird flying to and from the nest to look after its young.

Typically, birdnesting happens on a week-on-week off arrangement with the transition being at the beginning or the end of the week, from school during term time and from the home in school holidays.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of nesting or birdnesting arrangements?

The advantages for the children are that it reduces the immediate impact of the separation upon them. Apart from being looked after by only one parent at a time, the remainder of their life will remain unaltered. They will not have to move house or school and they will be local to their established friendship groups.

The disadvantage is that they may not understand why only one parent is in the home at a time and it may take them longer to adjust to the separation or emotionally accept the breakdown of their parents’ marriage. The children may also prefer spending time with one parent over the other which could cause tension.

For the parents, they have the advantage of occupying the family home during the birdnesting period and having use and enjoyment of all the facilities that go with that. It can be a cost-effective solution as they will share the outgoings of the home.

The disadvantages are that during the time away from the home, they will have to find (and fund) alternative accommodation and may not be able to remove any of the contents from the family home to furnish a new property as they will all remain in the family home for the children’s use and enjoyment.

It can also be burdensome to transport clothes and personal belongings from one property to another.

How to make nesting or birdnesting work – advice to separating couples

Birdnesting is only ever a short-term solution, but it does enable parents to negotiate more settled arrangements for the children at arms-length and helps the children to become accustomed to their parents no longer living together.

When considering a nesting arrangement, it is always advisable for parents to try and formulate a parenting plan, so there is consistency regarding routines, behaviour management, homework et cetera. It is important for each parent to be respectful of the other so that the property is left in a reasonably clean and tidy condition on the handover day. Chores should be kept up to date together with washing, ironing, homework, and shopping.

A parenting plan will give both parents (and the children if they are of sufficient age), input and engagement to make things work well.

Finally, it is important to respect the privacy of the other parent and not to intrude into their personal space in the home when they are not there. For example, if the parents each have their own bedroom in the birdnesting period the other parent should keep this space private.

It is anticipated that the trend for nesting will continue, especially as it becomes popular with prominent couples, such as Justin and Sophie Grégoire Trudeau.

Nesting should be approached with caution and is best avoided where there is domestic abuse or coercive control in the relationship.